I have so much support from family & friends that I didn’t even know I had during this divorce/non separation & yet I feel totally & completely alone. Which in turn makes me feel guilty & even more upset with myself that I can’t feel their love for me. I didn’t realize I was this depressed & out of touch. I know there’s help out there & a light at the end of my tunnel, but all I want to do is crawl back into bed & sleep this time away.
I’m resentful of my situation, resentful towards myself, my ex & even my son which is killing me inside. What kind of mom feels a certain amount of anger towards their child who has no fault in this situation. I know it stems from comments made about how much I changed when he was born & a small part of me knows that to be true. I also know that even without having our son our marriage probably wouldn’t have lasted. I think I’m just pissed off that we moved to TX in case we decided to have a child because of the better quality of life. We wanted a child & now its torn us apart. I believed in having a mom & dad for my kid so they wouldn’t live the life I did & now my worst fear is coming true. I love my son with all my heart & will do anything for him, but this situation that my Ex & I have created just sucks.
Dreams & promises are apparently meant to be broken. Add depression, anxiety & bipolar issues to the mix as well as us still having to live together & it’s probably no wonder why I feel so fucked up right now.
I don’t think anyone could criticize me more severely than the way I viciously criticize myself
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
